Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
