Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
