South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
