Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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