There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
