k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
