Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize