Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
