And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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