You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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