I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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