My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
