I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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