I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
