so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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