I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
