I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What a dumb baby whore.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
