the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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