I hate your face
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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