ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
