So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
