I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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