Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We got so high we made milksteak
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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