it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
