why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
