i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
