We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
