I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
