I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
