i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
