Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
