Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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