We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
