Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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