Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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