she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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