No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Terrible idea I love it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
