as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
