They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
