so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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