she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
