I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
