I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
