We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
