Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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