That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
