what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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