Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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