Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
