Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
