his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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