i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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