my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
