i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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