he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
