I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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