I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize