If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
