I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
