My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
