Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
