i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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