Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
