they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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