I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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